Unrequited
by i1tabighug
Summary: Slightly A/U but only because it's set in James and Lily's fifth year when they in fact got together in their seventh year. The story about how James and Lily got together, including Severus Snape. Any and all reviews welcome, especially construtive crit.
1. Chapter 1

**Certain elements from the book may be over looked I'm not sure yet, however they are only small things like ignoring their transfiguration exam even though it is mentioned within the story. Similarly be warned some of the dialogue is directly lifted from the order of the Phoenix, this is simply to show the individual characters views on the event.**

**This is only a fan story, the characters etc all belong to J.K.Rowling.**

Chapter 1:

'Lily! Wait for me.' My friend Alice cried as she grabbed the sleeve of my robes, shaking her head in an attempt to shake the hair of her blond bob out of her eyes. She'd just pushed her way through a crowd of fifth years all of which were trying to get as far away from the great hall as possible following our defence against the dark arts paper.

'Alice! I couldn't find you, quick let's go outside' I suggested before pulling her playfully by the arm in an attempt to make her follow.

'Where's Mary? Have you seen her?' I barely finished my question before nearly colliding with said Mary; she was the tallest of us three and had soft brown hair that fell just below her shoulders.

'I'm he-re' Mary proclaimed in a sing-song voice before making her own way outside. We, along with a couple other girls from our dormitory, settled down by the lake relaxing on the grass and soaking our feet in the water.

'How'd you find it?' Alice inquired to the rest of us in a trying-to-seem-indifferent tone which I instantly recognised but chose to ignore.

'Draining!' Mary nearly shouted; flamboyantly throwing her arms above her head before collapsing down on the grass to demonstrate her exhaustion. I couldn't help but laugh at her as she did before proceeding to answer Alice's question in the manner of which I believed was expected.

'It was quite hard, but I think I've done fine', I'd actually found the paper relatively easy but I knew Alice would have believed it hard; Alice was very intelligence but had a tendency to lack confidence. The answer seemed to suffice; Alice smiled in a reassured way and resumed kicking her legs in the water.

'I was sat near that Peter boy who's always following James and Sirius around, he looked terrified, he was sat there biting his nails'. Alice brought her hands up to her mouth imitating his actions while rocking back and forth making the others laugh. All except me who had just spotted the subject of their amusement settle down a little way away from us along with James, Sirius and Remus who together formed what was unofficially proclaimed to be the 'Marauders'.

'Speak of the Devils' I muttered coldly.

'I don't get why you hate them so much, I mean sure they mess about but they're clever'. Alice argued in their defence.

'...And hot' Mary added smiling cheekily as I made a half hearted smile, more at her obsession with the entire male population than because I believed it to be true. Granted yes they weren't unattractive, James, the ring leader had dark, messy hair which was almost completely untameable, reflecting his personality very well, and deep brown eyes; and was perhaps the only guy in school that managed to pull off wearing glasses.

'It's not that, it's the way they seem to believe they own the school, they're conceited and hex anyone they even consider not liking... well excluding Remus from that description'. At that moment I caught James smile in my direction and turned away almost immediately.

'So who's going to test me on transfiguration?'

...

'We've still got Transfiguration, if you're bored you could test me. Here...' My friend Remus held out his book to Sirius, a tall, dark haired boy whose previous complaints of boredom had resulted in the last thing he wanted: the suggestion of work.

'I don't need to look at that rubbish, I know it all.' He claimed as he puffed out his chest to highlight his conceited claim. I couldn't help but laugh at this, Sirius, along with Remus and Peter were my best friends; though Sirius was more like a brother to me. As I turned away from my friends, in pursuit of catching Lily's eye again, however I caught sight of a not-so friendly face, Severus Snape, a fellow fifth year, who had greasy dark hair and a hooked nose _and_ was a member of Slytherin, which was a good enough reason as any to hate him. However that is not the sole reason for my dislike, Snape was also a close friend of Lily Evans, A girl with beautiful auburn hair that fells in soft curls 

down her back, who despite all my attempts barely gives me a second thought, and yet she had the time of day for Snape...the thought made my blood boil.

'This'll liven you up, Padfoot' I muttered into Sirius' ear watching as his eyes found Snape.

'Excellent..._Snivellus_.' We watched as he stowed away his belongings, clambering to our feet.

'All right Snivellus?' I called in a mock pleasant voice as we approached by a few steps. Snape dropped his bag and lunged for his wand...however his attempts were in vain.

'_Expelliarmus!_' I shouted sending Snape's wand flying into the air and landing with a soft thud a few feet away. Snape dove towards his fallen wand but was again foiled, this time by Sirius.

'_Impedimenta!_' Snape was knocked off his feet as other students began to approach, some looked apprehensive, but the one whose eye I really wanted to catch was no longer in sight.

'How'd the exam go, Snivelly?' I asked.

'I was watching him, his nose was touching the parchment. There'll be great grease marks all over it, they won't be able to read a word.' At this a number of people laughed but no one more than Peter. Snape struggled against the invisible binds panting as he spoke:

'You- wait' he said as he glared up at me with a look of utmost hatred. 'You- wait!'

'Wait for what?' Sirius replied coolly. 'What're you going to do, Snivelly, wipe your nose on us?' At this Snape started making some sort of inaudible stream of hexes and swear words, most of which regarding me, not that it mattered to me, his wand was out of reach anyway.

'Wash out your mouth,' I replied coldly. '_Scourgify!_' I glared down at him as soap bubbles erupted from his mouth.

'Leave him ALONE!' At the sound of her heavenly voice my hand automatically jumped to my hair, most of the girls liked it this way, and despite her clear dislike of it I was all for promoting anything which might get me noticed by her.

'All right, Evans?' I caught Sirius' eye and knew he was inwardly smirking at the deepening tone of my voice.

'Leave him alone,' she glared deep in my eyes, despite her anger I still couldn't help but stare at her beautiful green eyes.

'What has he done to you?'

'Well...' I thought for a moment, I could hardly tell her I was jealous of him, what would she say? Part of me wanted to get her really riled, although every time she was angry at me her intense glare hurt me I'd rather be hated and have her pay attention than be lovely and ignored.

'It's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean...' a number of people laughed at this remark but Lily's eyes flashed threateningly.

'You think you're so funny but you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him _alone_.'

'I will if you go out with me, Evans,' I knew now wasn't the time or place but maybe just maybe she'd say yes...who was I kidding but I just had to go on. 'Go on...go out with me and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again.'

'I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid,' she replied with a great deal more conviction than I would have liked; Sirius seemed to find it funny though, laughing beside me.

'Bad luck, Prongs...OI!' before I even had chance to turn and see what was happening Snape had reclaimed his wand and had fired a spell at me creating a huge gash across my face staining my robes with blood. Within a second I'd fired my own spell leaving him hanging upside down in mid-air with his robes falling down over his head. I couldn't help but laugh, the sight of his pale legs hanging above his head and his arms flailing like a rag doll beneath his robes was too much.

'Let him down!' Lily commanded.

'Certainly' he fell back to the ground in a heap jumping to his feet as he grabbed his wand.

'_Pertificus Totalus!'_ Sirius shouted sending him back down to the floor as rigid as a board.

'LEAVE HIM ALONE!' Lily's face was growing as red as her hair as fury engulfed her.

'Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you'. I replied earnestly; honestly I never would but still...

'Take the curse off him then!' I knew I'd gone too far, with a flick of my wrist I muttered the counter-curse.

'There you go...You're lucky Evan's was here Snivellus-' And thats when he did it, when he said the most unforgivable thing possible, the thing that made me want to physically pummel him:

'I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!'

...

And that's when I said it...the singular worst thing I've ever done:

'I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!' The words were barely out of my mouth before I realised what I'd done, in my anger and humiliation I'd lashed out at the one purely undeserving person ever to touch my life. I wanted to beg, plead, do anything to make her see my remorse, but I'd never seen such hurt in her eyes, those beautiful almond shaped emerald eyes, even when her sister had called her a freak I'd never seen such hurt. The pain in her eyes disappeared as quickly as it had appeared, behind a cold hard mask I knew she'd learnt from me, but the ghost of her pain still lingered.

'Fine...I won't bother in future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, _Snivellus_.' I went to speak...

'Apologise to Evans!' Potter roared as he pointed his wand to my chest, I glared at him; how dare he, how dare he tell me how I should behave to MY best friend, granted yes I shouldn't have said what I did but he treats her like some sort of prize to be won and _I _need to apologise? I turned back to face her as much sorrow and repent in my eyes as I saw pain in hers but before I could she spoke again, her soft beautiful voice full of anger and hate.

'I don't want _you_ to make him apologise. You're as bad as he is.' In that moment I knew...how could I have been such a fool? If I was being compared to the likes of _him_ who jumped through hoops and still couldn't gain her attention then I'd lost her...no, she's my friend, she's angry...she can't hate me...I hope.

'What? I'd NEVER call you a –you-know-what!' he cried.

'Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can- I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK.' She spun on her heel, her beautiful crimson hair swaying briskly as she walked clearly trying to get as fall away as physically possible. I saw her 'friends' rush off after her...friends? They're not friends like me and her are friends! They don't know about her sister, they wouldn't risk their lives to save her...that's real friendship...that's what I'd do.

'Evans!' Potter shouted after her. 'Hey, EVANS!' I glared at him, her name isn't Evans you imbecile, not that he'd know any different, having never been close enough to call her Lily, having never been so close you can feel her soft breath on your lips...she didn't look back.

'What is it with her?' Potter asked that idiot of a friend of his as my eyes found the floor.

'Reading between the lines, I'd day she thinks you're a bit conceited, mate.'

'Right...right' He spun on his heel to face me now.

'Who wants to see me take off Snivelly's pants?' he asked the general audience that had arisen from my humiliation as he sent me flying upside-down again...at that point I didn't care any more...the one thing I had ever wanted was lost.


	2. Chapter 2

**This is only a fan story, the characters etc all belong to J.K.Rowling.**

Chapter 2:

Oh my God what had I done? Lily, My Lily, in my embarrassment and anger I'd called her perhaps the most hurtful name I could have possible thought of. I must admit, it wasn't as if I hadn't said it to anyone before but it wasn't because I thought it was true. She doesn't understand...being a Slytherin, it wasn't like being with her, friendships were more business-like you had to get into the right crowd, get the right connections otherwise you were out...and being on your own in this pack of rabid wolves wasn't wise. I knew Lily didn't like Avery and Mulciber, neither did I if I was honest but they gave me a good grounding...and I needed it. But Lily...she was the balm that soothed the otherwise painful existence I called life...the one thing that kept me going. The main problem was despite everything, how beautiful, intelligent and wise she was, she was muggleborn and they weren't accepted by any half respectable Slytherin...that had been my blessing and my curse for years here; by being with her those ignorant pure-blood loving goons had left me alone, yet be being alone I was exposed. It had been perfect these last couple years, Lily and me met in secret, she wasn't wholly happy about it, granted yes many Gryfindors disliked me and had regularly asked why she bothered with me but she didn't want to_ hide _our friendship. I'd persuaded her to do it, told her that I was afraid, she could see the goodness in me but no one else seemed to and I wanted our friendship to last without causing hassle for her just because everyone else didn't have the same caring heart. I made her think I was doing it for her...but I wasn't, I needed her...longed for her, it was more than friendship I was in love with her...in love with her so deep that sometimes I felt like the Cruciatus curse was being performed on me and I wanted to scream. A love unlike the love 'Potter' claimed to feel...all he was interested in was having her as a trophy, to be able to say "I made her fall in love with me; I tamed the untameable Lily Evans". Can't he see? It's the untameable quality that makes her who she is...the fire in her eyes and spirit which could both terrify and entrance...both hurt and sooth. He could never see what I do...the many layers of her personality all reflected in those gorgeous emerald green eyes.

'Hey Snape' Mulciber...why does he always have a way of turning up when he's least wanted...I glared at him in response but the idiot doesn't get it.

'What d'ya want?' I mutter in my coldest, least inviting voice possible, however it is clearly beyond his mental capabilities to understand when his presence isn't wanted.

'Wanna torture the first years again?' 'Torture' I grimaced at his use of that word, it basically meant duelling without letting them fight back, not quite torture though they usually ended up in a state, he just liked the idea of torture, he was kind of sick that way. I tended not to join in if I could help it.

'Don't you have a defence against the darks arts essay to write to make up for the last five you missed?'

'Pfft, you know that subjects a waste of time and we've already finished the OWL for it, besides we should be learning how to use the dark arts not stop them. You'll just do it for me later.' How very presumptuous I would have cursed him right there if it wasn't for the fact I knew I'd never escape him then. I rouse slowly walking towards the passageway out of the common room and away from him.

'Oi, Snape where you going?'

'Library, I have to start that essay of yours' I muttered sarcastically though he beamed...well what should have been a beam had his teeth not been disjointed and blacken, clearly he hadn't noticed the sarcasm in my voice. As a matter of fact I was going to the Gryfindor common room, I knew where it was from walking Lily back after our secret meetings but didn't know the password. I didn't really have a plan of action as to how I was going to persuade Lily to speak to me but I'd find a way.

As I reached the entrance hall I saw the last stragglers of people finishing their dinner, it was nearly nine o'clock so most people were gone, leaving my long walk through the mostly empty halls, for the most part, quiet and undisturbed. Unfortunately for me my mind was not so peacefully occupied...images of Lily's pain stricken eyes haunted my every step...her voice echoed in my 

ears..."fine then I won't bother next time". My cold mask slowly slipped away as I reached the portrait, only Lily had that affect on me...only her.

'What in Merlin's name are you doing here?' I mildly recognised the cold voice addressing me...Mary, one of Lily's friends; she particularly disliked me after an incidence involving Mulciber last year.

'Is Lily in there?' I said nodding my head in the direction of the portrait.

'Even if she was she doesn't want to see you!' she spat, glaring at me but it didn't faze me.

'Fine if you refuse to tell me what I need to know then I will simply stay here, she will either come to me from wherever else she may be or if she's in there I will sleep here and wait until morning to see her.' For the most part I was able to cover the quiver in my voice that gave away the severe distress I was in at not being given the information I required.

'You wouldn't, the teachers would come and give you detention.'

'That, is a price I am willing to pay and I will pay it every night outside your common room until Lily speaks to me,' she glared at this comment before turning away from me and muttering the password so I couldn't hear it. She spun to face me once she'd stepped up into the common room.

'She hates you for what've you've become...sleep here all you like that won't change.'

'I'll sleep here all night if I have to.'

...

'I'll sleep here all night if I have to' Mary imitated as she retold the tale of her encounter with Sev.

'Sleep? Out in the corridor? Are you certain?' I couldn't believe it, Severus was never normally like this, this seemed impulsive, spur of the moment, Sev was calculating and slow, he did things methodically and to the point like a skilful game of chess.

'I'm not certain he will but that's certainly what he told me he intended to do.'

Alice and Mary hadn't left my side since the incidence by the lake unless utterly necessary, they'd even taken shifts going down to dinner since it was clear I had no intention of going down there after what he'd said in front of all those people. It was on Mary's journey back from dinner that she'd encountered Sev stood aimlessly outside the common room.

'I have to go talk to him' I said swinging my legs out of bed wrapping my dressing gown round me, I'd spent a majority of the past few hours sleeping and had barely touched the food Alice had brought up for me. As I attempted to get out of bed the girls made it clear they had other ideas each jumping in front of me pushing my shoulders as they tries to make me lie back down.

'After what he said?' Alice exclaimed obviously thinking I must be mad for even thinking of talking to him.

'Yes, I have to talk to him more so than ever after what he said,' I paused looking down at my slippers beside the bed.

'I know what you're worried about, you think I'm going to forgive him...and I'm not, he hurt me, perhaps more than you can understand considering your opinions of him, but he _was_ my friend, I daresay my _best_ friend since I was nine; and even though he's not the boy I thought he was anymore that young boy is still inside of him, and he deserves to know why I've made this choice.' They both relinquished their hold on me and stood aside, I smiled gratefully at them slipping my slippers on and walking out of the room. I was thankful there was no one in the common room as I walked past; I hated people seeing me when I was upset and my puffy, red, bloodshot eyes certainly gave the game away. It seemed like an age passed between my dorm and the portrait hole thinking of everything that had passed between the two of us, from the naive young girl listening to stories of a magically school called Hogwarts, half expecting someone to tell her it'd been a cruel practical joke, to standing within these magical walls about to tell the man that boy had turned into she didn't want to speak to him again. That thought made me rethink for a moment, the idea of pushing away the person that had first introduced me to this magical world...but the man outside this room wasn't that boy...that boy vanished years ago. I took a deep breath and stepped out into the cold corridor. I had clearly disturbed its occupant who jumped up in surprise.

'Lily' He muttered breathlessly before attempt to compose himself. I didn't speak...he wanted to speak to me so he could, but I wouldn't be fazed...I couldn't.

'I'm sorry'

'I'm not interested.' What else could I have expected him to say...and yet sorry just wasn't good enough, I'd heard it before, maybe too many times, maybe that's why I was still stood here after all these years...sorry, it's a word too frequently used if you ask me.

'I'm sorry!' He seemed to believe raising his voice would make the statement more truthful...was anything he said truthful?

'Save your breath. I only came out here because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here.' I kept my face as cold and expressionless as I could, a skill I learnt from Snape...not Sev. His face however betrayed far more emotions than he'd ever let escape before, maybe he sensed, like I knew, that this would be our last encounter as 'friends' and was trying to show regret... sorrow was definitely present in his eyes but it was all his own doing, not mine, why should I feel guilty?

'I was. I would have done, I never meant to call you a Mudblood, It just-'

'Slipped out?' I was angry now, how dare he? How dare he? There was no excuse for what he said, none, and if it truly had just slipped out it was only because he was so in the habit of using such a word he didn't even realise when he used it and I don't want friends like that.

'It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends-' I was losing it now, I could feel anger, hurt, sorrow all coming together making me want to cry out, to scream. What made it worse was when I mentioned his friends, his head dropped and he became peculiarly occupied in staring at his shoes, he couldn't even look at me.

'You see, you don't even deny it! You can't wait to join You-Know-Who, can you?' He opened his mouth as if to speak but closed it again, clearly thinking better of what he was about to say.

'I can't pretend any more. You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine.'

'No- listen, I didn't mean-'

'-to call me a Mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?' For a moment it looked as though he was about to reply, tell me why I'm so special, why I'm so different to every other muggleborn, but whatever he was going to say he chose not to, either from his our accord or from the filthy look I threw him as I stepped back inside. The portrait hole was barely closed before tears began to swim in my eyes; I tried to hold them back, furious as my own weakness before running towards my dorm muttering angrily under my breath.

'Stupid, Stupid Lily!'

...

'Stupid, Stupid Lily.' I turned and saw a very distressed Lily Evans running blindly towards her dorm clearly fighting tears having not noticed me sat in the corner, I ran towards her stopping in front of her causing her to run into me.

'Sorry' she muttered quietly, her eyes directed at the floor not wanting any one to see the tears streaming down her face. She went to move past me and I grabbed her wrist to stop her. Her eyes met mine with the dirtiest look she could muster in an attempt to make me release her from my grasp; however it was unsuccessful, partly due to her quivering lips which showed her fighting more tears. Her beautiful green eyes shone with tears as she looked up into my own brown ones. When she realised I had no intention of releasing her wrist she began beating, exhausted, against my chest trying to make me let go, I grabbed her other arm to prevent her blows though what happened next was far worse than I'd imagined. Her head flopped down onto my chest, her shoulders shaking as she sobbed in my arms. I pulled her frail, little body against my own body holding her tightly as she cried. I stroked her long, red hair gently, whispering in her ear:

'Shh shh it's all going to be fine, I won't let anyone hurt you'. I had no idea whether she was crying from what had happened by the lake, or whether something new had causes these tears, whatever 

it was Lily felt so right, lying there in my arms, and I knew in that moment that I'd never, never let anything hurt her again.

'It's okay, everything's okay' I cooed softly in her ear. But evidently this was wrong.

'NO! It's not!' she pushed me away and walked towards the fire staring deep into its depths, I approached slowly behind her.

'Why? What's happened?' She didn't respond though I could hear her sobbing again. Her knees bent slightly as she cried, as though the weight of her grief was too much to keep her standing. She fell to her knees by the fire. I rushed forward to catch her, but was too late; I instead resorted to sitting besides her rubbing her back soothingly as she cried.

'It's okay, you don't need to tell me if you don't want...I just thought it might help...but if it won't...'

'Why?' she muttered quietly.

'Why did he have to say that?' She looked deep into my eyes as though searching for an answer in them.

'Is this about what happened with Snape?' She nodded feebly in response.

'He said it 'cause he's an idiot. If he wasn't he would have known you're an amazing witch, birth aside.'

'Did you know?' I looked into her beautiful eyes, the fire flickering in them. I didn't know what she meant, she could see that.

'Did you know I was his friend?'

'I knew you used to be' I looked down at my hands which were wringing in my lap.

'...and I've seen you talking in empty corridors and classrooms sometimes.' She nodded at this response turning away from me as she spoke:

'That was his idea, he was worried that all the hassle I got off the other Gryfindors might make me want to give up on our friendship, so he suggested we hide it.' I scoffed at this causing Lily to look at me questioningly.

'It's just- I might not know him well but he doesn't seem the 'caring sort', I suspect it was 'cause he didn't want his pureblood friends knowing about you'. I saw hurt in her eyes from what I suggested but she nodded and admitted to believing that to be the case.

'I just wish he'd done it for me.'

'What are you going to say to him...after what he said before?'

'I've already spoken to him, that's where I was before I ran in.' I cursed under my breath, "way-to-go James just remind her of her sobbing earlier that's a good way to comfort somebody". She obviously heard my mutterings because she laughed; smiling at me...God she has a beautiful smile.

'I'm fine...I told him I don't want to be friends. It's not as if I didn't know this was coming, it's still hard though.' I nodded.

'To me friends are the most important things in the world, I know you may not think much of me, or my friends, except Remus, but I'd do anything for them, and I know they'd do the same for me. Tell me Sirius is stuck in a tree in the middle of the forbidden forest and I'll be there.' I saw her smile at this, though she was trying hard not to.

'I first met him when I was nine; he was the one who told me about Hogwarts, about magic, about everything. In some ways he was my life line, I didn't dislike my old life but the idea of flying away to this new world where I could see magical creatures and learn how to do spells, it was incredible. But the more I moved towards Sev and this beautiful magically world, the further I went from my sister. Me and Tuney –Petunia- were best friends, but now she barely speaks to me, and when she does it's normally to tell me I'm a freak and to stay away from her.' I was gob smacked by this, how could she think that, and about her own sister?

'Why? I mean...How could she think that?'

'She used to be jealous I think, she wrote to Dumbledore asking to come, but when he said no she just decided to hate me. It's kind of ironic; the boy that drove us apart is now gone and now I've lost both of them.' I saw tears glisten in her eyes again and pulled her tightly into a hug trying to make all the pain go away. She rested her head on my shoulder as tears trickled slowly down her cheeks; I 

stroked her hair gently. She raised her head up drawing her face to the same height as mine; she leant towards me slowly till I could feel her breath, warm on my lips. I leant towards her pressing my lips gently to hers fireworks going off in my head as those soft heavenly lips kissed back. I drew away slightly looking deep into her beautiful eyes.

'Lily...' suddenly she looked panic stricken, she pulled from my grasp and ran to the dormitory stairs, she looked back at me, confused, sat in front of the fire before whispering:

'I'm sorry.'


	3. Chapter 3

**This is only a fan story, the characters etc all belong to J.K.Rowling.**

Chapter 3:

It was hours before I finally managed to drop off. After Lily went I just paced around the common room for God knows how long, I didn't know how I felt about any of it...I was angry at myself for having gone too far and yet she'd kissed me _back_...I was on top of the world for having finally kissed her and yet regretted having done it. I wanted to rip, tear, destroy anything in my path, I didn't do feelings well, I was a physical person; if anything emotional affected me I needed to act. I needed to run, to fly, to restrain myself from charging up to her room and finding out what had happened so my mind would be at ease.

Why had she run away? What had I done wrong? Surely she felt, like I had, how right it was, how perfect she felt resting in my arms, how soft her hair felt as I stroked it gently, how our lips had touched and for a moment nothing else mattered...just her lips against mine. And yet...where I found perfection she'd found fault...a fault that had, for whatever reason, caused her to run away. After finally exhausting myself I'd gone up to bed, thankful that the others were already asleep, but I hadn't fallen asleep until about 4 or 5 o'clock in the morning. My mind had been replaying over and over again the night's events looking for a sign...a hint of what had gone wrong.

When I woke up after barely any sleep to the sound of Padfoot's awful singing I felt like crawling back under my covers and going back to sleep...which is especially difficult when your friend is charming your duvet to act as a dance partner while he sings 'good morning sunshine'. Padfoot is like me in a lot of ways, neither of us understand emotions especially well so I could forgive him for not recognising that I was emotionally drained...Moony on the other hand had noticed and kept shooting me suspicious looks as we got ready for breakfast.

'C'mon Prongs if you don't hurry we'll miss breakfast!' Sirius shouted. I laughed at him as he pranced around like an excitable little puppy at the concept of food; it was incredibly ironic considering the secret the four of us shared.

'James.' Remus whispered, tugging my arm gently pulling me into step with him away from a very excitable Sirius.

'What's wrong you look really pale and tired?' This was one of the things I loved and hated about Remus, he could read us all like a book which was great when you wanted him to, bad when you didn't.

'I'm fine Remus, honestly'. He raised his eyebrow at me in disbelief.

'Well now I definitely know something's wrong.' He muttered quietly so only I could hear.

'Yeah? And why's that?'

'Because you called me Remus.' He was right there, apart from when I was telling others about him who were unfamiliar with his 'furry little problem', I always called him Moony.

'Fine...It's Lily.' However before I could proceed to explain what had happened Padfoot came bounding over, eager to be involved in any and all conversations.

'Ah, our lovely little Lily flower, barely fifteen minutes since I woke you up with my lovely singing and Lily flower is a key topic of conversation.' I rolled my eyes at him; it wasn't as though he didn't like Lily, far from it in fact, though he mainly liked orchestrating our pranks so that she could witness them without being able to prove our guilt.

'But really mate, no offence, but get over her...there are loads of girls at this school and you chase the one that doesn't like you.' I nodded feebly and walked the rest of the way to the great hall in silence, now all but Peter had noticed a change in me; it was rare I'd be silenced by anyone, especially when I was talking about Lily.

'I wasn't trying to upset you mate,' Sirius muttered obviously thinking my silence was due to him.

'It's just...you're my best mate and however much I may mess about and joke, you're like a brother to me and I hate the why Lily treats you, you deserve better.' I smiled at him clearly easing his mind somewhat however my problem was, whether I deserved better or not, I _wanted _Lily. I barely touched my food all breakfast instead resorting to stabbing at it occasionally with my fork before pushing it away, at this even Peter noticed I was out of sorts, however food took higher priority and 

he continued piling as much food as he could on his plate. I was not alone when I noticed Lily enter the room, Moony turned around in his seat to watch her walk to the furthest corner of the table, as far away from me as possible, her eyes still bloodshot from the night before. Moony leant over the table with the pretence of reaching for the pumpkin juice and whispered:

'What did you do to her?' I didn't know what to say in response, what to think, I knew he didn't mean it in an accusing way but it felt as though everything was my fault and maybe I'd be better off leaving her alone. I grabbed my bag and rushed out of the room without my friends, surprising not only them but the entire school who rarely saw me anywhere without at least one of them. Lily's eyes however refused to look up. I couldn't help but think today was not going to go well.

...

Today is not going to go well. After my encounter with Lily outside the portrait I was so shocked and...Hurt, though I'd never admit it. I'd just stood there for about ten minutes not moving. I wanted to run at the portrait to charge through it, rip it with my own bare hands, pound at the wall till Lily returned; anything to be able to get to her or bring her back to me. But I didn't do any of those things, I couldn't, I just stood there dumbfounded unable to move or speak. I'd lost her...she didn't want to be my friend anymore...she didn't want to see me anymore. I _love _her, why can't she see that? I'd do anything to be with her, I'd face being tortured by the dark lord if it meant being with her, I'd kill anyone that ever looked at her wrong if it meant being with her. I decided not to go to breakfast the next morning I wanted time for myself and the only time you got that was during feeding time at the zoo. I stared deep into the warm flames in the fireplace which had been enchanted to occasionally glow green to represent Slytherin, what I saw was Lily. Lily's fiery, red hair...so soft, and yet a look about it as though it would burn you to touch, and her eyes...the green was the exact colour of her eyes...I didn't care if it was meant to represent my unity to these idiots, to me that green divided me from them...in that green I saw Lily.

I grabbed my bag and headed for potions first thing...Lily's favourite subject, she was so gifted at it, so was I but it bored me. I decided to speak to her during class, no matter what, even if I had to stun the rest of the class to get my chance, I would. I arrived early, I normally did but I was earlier than usual, Lily was always early and I knew this would be an opportune chance to speak to her as soon as possible. However I found a quite unexpected visitor outside the classroom. Sat on the floor, leant against the wall with his head in his hands sat none other than _James Potter_. He hadn't noticed me so I drew my wand, I wasn't about to let him jinx me like he'd done yesterday. The sound of my footsteps didn't reach him till I was only a couple feet away and when he finally looked up and saw me he seemed indifferent. I was angry about this, his eyes caught mine and then, as though he'd seen nothing more interesting than an insect, his eyes found their way back down to the ground.

'Potter?' I muttered in my coldest voice, I wanted him to see me, to know that I was a threat, he was alone, no Black to protect him when his back was turned and I wanted to punish him for every time he'd hexed me without reason.

'All alone? No dear little friends to protect you?' he looked at me again however he seemed only mildly interested.

'Yeah I'm alone but I'm far from unprotected...sod off Snape I'm not in the mood'. I didn't move I just stayed there glaring at him. I was angry, upset, hurt all I wanted to do was lash out and hurt somebody and there he was. I barely knew what I was doing before I shouted:

'_Impedimenta!_' However without even looking at me he flicked his wrist and sent the spell rebounding against the wall. I wanted him to fight back, to look at me, to let me enjoy my moment of revenge.

'Fight like a man Potter!' I shouted trying to provoke him however Slughorn waddled out at this spotting me standing over James with my wand out.

'Snape? What are you doing?'

'Nothing Professor.' I muttered stowing away my wand.

'Well it better have been nothing, I don't condone violence especially outside my classroom...James m'boy come in come in, not like you to be early.' And off he went nattering in a similar manner. He was Head of Slytherin and yet far from favouring his own he found joy in collecting "future celebrates" as he saw it, _Potter_ was one of his favourites as was Lily. Lily I could understand, she was beautiful, caring and top in all her classes, she was by far the most talented of students at Hogwarts...James on the other hand could fly around on a stick, Oh the height of talent. Slughorn had never taken a liking to me...not that I cared, why would I need his approval? It wasn't long before the whole class arrived. Potter and his mates took their normal seats at the back, I took my normal seat in the middle but Lily, instead of sitting beside me like she normally did sat at the front with her friends leaving me with Mulciber. All lesson I tried gaining her attention, I sent her countless notes, dropped numerous things so I'd have a reason the go over towards he desk to reclaim them...I did everything I could think off and yet she didn't once turn around or even acknowledge my existence.

Slughorn called for our phials signalling the end of class, I watched as the _Marauders _packed away as quickly as possible in order to escape, so quickly in fact that Potter left his bag under his desk as he ran out of the room. Idiot. My eyes fell back on Lily who was talking pleasantly, though not as animatedly as usual to Slughorn...this was my chance...grabbing my things I darted out of the class hiding in the shadows for Lily's exit, Slughorn always kept her till last talking about his precious little slug club.

'We'll see you in Transfiguration Lil's.' Her so-called friends shouted as they left, they weren't in the Slug club either so they weren't bothered about waiting for her, not like me I'd wait here all day for her if needs be...I'd wait for an eternity. Fortunately, far from waiting an eternity, Lily left the class a couple minutes later; I heard Slughorn shut his office door seconds before she exited the classroom leaving the two of us alone. I followed close behind her as she walked down the corridor, watching as her fiery hair swayed behind her. I approached so quickly and so silently that I could smell the scent of her shampoo in her hair before she spotted me. When she did she screamed...shock, just shock but I couldn't talk to her like this. I held my hand over her mouth and forced her against the wall. When she sees me, when she calms down then I'll let go. I looked deep into green eyes, like poison creeping into my heart making breathing nearly impossible...those eyes, full of fear. Why was she scared? It's me, Sev, her best friend. If only she knew, if she could really see...I love her...so so much, why's she afraid?

'Shh Shh don't be scared. I just want to talk.'

...

'Shh Shh don't be scared. I just want to talk.' Don't be scared? Don't be scared? It's one thing dropping quills and throwing notes to get my attention but tackling me in the corridor? I thought of my friends, upstairs in McGonagal's classroom, completely unaware of my predicament. How long would it take for them to notice I should be in class? To realise that Slughorn never keeps me that late? And by then what would Snape have done to me? I'd have never thought about this a few weeks ago, yes there were rumours of him being involved in dark magic but I couldn't believe them...but as the weeks went on rumours got worse and worse and supposedly he'd been heard talking about torturing the first years with Mulciber as means of venting his anger. I fought and screamed as best I could against him, but even with his slim, lank figure I still couldn't push him off, despite my struggles. He was obviously getting anxious or simply annoyed by the look on his face.

'Lily...Lily stop it...Lily!' he whispered furiously in my ear his eyes nearly unrecognisable, a deeper shade of black than I ever remember seeing filled with passion. He drew his wand and pointed it at my neck. I stopped. I looked deep into the eyes of the man before me, the man so unlike the sweet, caring, vulnerable little boy I had befriended and felt a part of my heart shatter. Although he'd only ever been my friend he'd held a very significant place in my heart and despite that place ebbing away slightly over the past year or two I hadn't fully come to terms with the idea of losing my best friend. He loosened his grip on me, though not moving him wand.

'Lily, I'm so so sorry.' I felt rage bubbling inside me, yet I couldn't just let it all out, not when he still had his wand pointing at me.

'I...I can't even begin to tell to how much you mean to me, I'm sorry.' I was angry, furious, downright raging, how in Merlin could he say that, he'd treated me like his dirty little secret? He'd called me a Mudblood in front of all my friends? And now, now! He was pinning me to the wall threatening me and I was supposed to what? Believe him? Accept his apology? No. I shoved at him as hard as I could pushing him off me.

'You're SORRY?! How dare you! You've treated me worse than those scumbag friends of yours have treated me and you think it'll all go away if you threaten to curse me and say you're sorry?' I saw him eyes flash threatening as I shouted at him and knew I was treading a very thin line but then again I had every right to react like this.

'You are the most disgusting human being I've ever encountered; at least your lowlife friends don't pretend to like me. You know what _Snivellus _you can fu-' But before I could finish my sentence I was shoved back against the wall, his cold fingers wrapped around my throat pushing me higher up the wall till I couldn't breathe his wand pointed at my chest.

'I am NOTHING like them; they are God dam imbeciles, two-faced BULLYING IMBICILES!'He bellowed, his voice echoing off the walls as my body grew fainter from the lack of oxygen. Just as I was about to lose consciousness a bright, blinding light erupted around us before blackness came over me and I felt myself collapsing to the ground.

I could vaguely hear shouting as I lay on the cold, stone floor of the dungeons still panting for breath.

'If I EVER see you touch her again...' I know that voice. It sounds so distant and yet so clear. It was only now that I realised I had my eyes closed. I opened my eyes slowly taking in my surroundings as I weakly tried to push my fallen body up again.

'I was trying to talk to her _Potter!'_ Potter? James? James was the one defending me; I drew my eyes up to watch his furious expression as he pointed his wand at a recently disarmed Snape.

'Get the Hell out of here _Snape_.' He muttered in a cold tone which I didn't recognise. Snape retrieved his belongings with a grimace which only faulted as he saw me watching him from the ground, however before he could approach James had thrown himself down beside me and was helping me to my feet.

'Oh my God! Lily are you okay?' I nodded feebly as I stood, supported by him, on shaking legs watching his worried face scan my body for injuries. Upon seeing my response I felt him pull me close to him hugging me tightly against his warm, strong chest; I'd never felt as safe and happy as I did in that moment. My mind flashed back to the previous night, the kiss, no this is a mistake last night was I mistake I was upset and venerable it shouldn't have happened.

'Where did you come from? What are you doing here?'

'I left my bag in the classroom, I went upstairs to McGonagal's but had to come back down to retrieve it which is when I spotted up pinned against the wall by that filthy Slytherin. I don't know what would have happened if I hadn't have come.' If he hadn't have come? What am I? Some sort of damsel in distress? Granted yes I hadn't been in the best predicament but he's hardly some sort of knight in shining armour that's going to whisk me away.

'I would have been fine _Potter_, I don't need help.' At this he looked slightly taken back still holding me by the arm for support. I shoved him off.

'I'm fine; I don't need _your _help.'

'Excuse me? A minute ago you were pinned by your throat against the wall, I help you and suddenly you're having a go at me like I'm the villain here!'

'I appreciate what you did for me but I'm not a baby I can take care of myself!'

'I know you're not a baby, I'm not treating you like a baby-'

'-No, you're treating me like your damsel in distress who's going to fall at your feet.' I was fuming at this point, and evidently so was he.

'Fine...' He muttered in the same cold voice he'd used with Snape. 'I'll leave you alone'. With this he turned on his heel and stormed back up the corridor, his bag once again completely forgotten.


	4. Chapter 4

**This is only a fan story, the characters etc all belong to J.K.Rowling.**

Chapter 4:

The next couple days passed without event, James had the final quidditch match of the year coming up between Gryffindor and Slytherin so no one was wholly surprised at his lack of contact with me because he was training every spare moment. I noticed the difference though, not only was he talking to me less, he'd stopped talking all together and communicated only via dirty looks or avoiding my gaze. It was also obvious that our recent encounters were no longer secret to everyone except ourselves considering the fact that Sirius Black, who loved any and all reason to come talk to me being the wind-up merchant that he is, had taken a very pointed dislike to me. It was all I could do not to blush under his cold gaze when I thought of how he could relay the story of the kiss me and James shared to the whole school.

Under most normal circumstances the absence of Potter and Black from my life would have been a blessing but my mind was constantly haunted by the kiss. 'It was a mistake' my mind practically screamed at me, and maybe it was, but in that moment of weakness, of loneliness, James Potter had held me in his arms and comforted me; he didn't deserve me shouting at him when he saved me from Snape. Or did he? I was so confused, had he defended me under any other circumstance rather than the day after we shared an intimate kiss I would have seen nothing wrong in my treatment of him, why now was I questioning it? I chose to continue as I was, I hated being weak or being seen to be weak and James had treated me like a weak little girl who couldn't defend herself, well I certainly wasn't about to let him believe that a few dirty looks would weaken me either.

The day of the quidditch final arrived and though I'd have loved to remain at the castle Mary was a chaser on the team and therefore I had to go support her.

'Lily! Get your ASS out of BED!' I nearly toppled out of bed as Mary shuck me. I grumpily glanced at my clock before jumping up to face her.

'It's six in the morning! The match doesn't even start till eleven!' Admittedly she did look guilty at having woken me up.

'I...I'm a bit nervous...sorry.' She muttered in a quiet voice, for all her flamboyant, confident behaviour she, like everyone, had insecurities. Mary was the only girl on any of the quidditch teams and although she was as good as, if not better than a lot of them, she seemed to believe she had something more to prove.

'Fine.' I muttered, 'but in that case you're doing my make-up for me because you know I hate messing with that red and gold face paint you insist we wear.' She smiled brightly before allowing me to proceed into the bathroom, I decided against a shower choosing instead to have one this evening so I could remove the paint from my face, and no doubt my hair. When I emerged, having dressed in a comfy pair of jeans and a red and gold top me and Alice had each brought the previous summer after Mary made the quidditch team, I found that Mary, far from having been truly remorseful of having woken me at this ungodly hour, had proceeded to wake Alice who sat grumpily on her bed hugging her towel as she waited for the bathroom. I barely suppressed a laugh as she stormed past me slamming the door; she really wasn't a morning person.

'Okay Mary make me up'.

A few hours later, newly painted gold and red in honour of our house team, me and a slightly less grumpy Alice were heading down towards the quidditch pitch with our fellow Gyrffindors, as well as a number of Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs who had decided to support us in favour of Slytherin. When we reached the stands, ever faithful to our friend, despite my fear of heights, we manoeuvred our way to the front row to take our seats before the match started. It wasn't long before the familiar blurs of red and green filled the sky and screams erupted from every corner of the sadium.

'MARY! MARY! MARY!' Alice and I chanted merrily as her smiling figure flew past us, we screamed even more when she immediately caught the quaffle upon release and went on to score the next three shots. Within all this chaos, distracted by the cheering and jumping up and down of myself and my fellow Gryffindors I had nearly, nearly forgotten my recent disturbances with the two men and, for the first time since my final confrontation with them, my eyes began to survey the students attired in Green. I was unsurprised to find that many of these students looked particularly unhappy, which considering Gryffindor's current lead was predictable. The most unhappy of the students within their mist though was a dark hair young man whose black eyes were boring into me almost longingly. It was whilst I was distracted staring back at said young man that a bludger came soaring in towards me. Alice screamed and I narrowly escaped a collision to the head as I threw my body to the side, however as I dived away I fell, toppling over the edge of the stand. Fortunately for me my robes snagged on the splintered wood of the stand leaving me hanging in mid air screaming helplessly.

'ALICE!'

...

'ALICE!' Upon hearing her all too familiar shouting voice I turned immediately to find her, though far from her usual shouting she wasn't screaming at me to go crawl under a rock somewhere and die, she was screaming in fear as her petit figure hung against the side of the stand. Alice was stretched as far over as she could with Frank Longbottom, a sixth year Gryffindor, holding her round the waist in case she too fell over. I flew towards her shouting Sirius over as I went. Sirius, the ever loyal friend that he is, ignored the bludger he was about to hit and instead swerved around it to join me in my pursuit of Lily before her weight caused the ever unsteady wood to break. Just as I reached the stand Lily's robes tore causing her to fall into my arms. The unexpected force however sent both me and her toppling upside down my hands holding her wrists as my legs clung to the wood of my broom.

'James!' I heard somebody scream above me but I was far too concerned with the fiery red head screaming in terror beneath me frantically kicking her legs.

'Lily' I called down to her drawing her eyes back up to mine rather than the floor, instantly she calmed down, no longer looking down at her 'ultimate doom'. I wasn't really conscious as I held her arms how quiet the stands had gone as I hung upside down in mid air supporting Lily's weight with my arms which thankfully were toned from years of quidditch. Even the quidditich players had stopped to watch us both.

'Lily it's okay, everything's going to be okay' I cooed in as soft and calm a voice as I could muster. She nodded feebly as she shook all over from fear. I could see Sirius floating a few feet below her with his arms extended ready to catch her but I knew if I shouted to him I might panic her, or cause her to look down and freak out again so instead I raised my voice ever so slightly to enable Sirius to hear.

'I can still control my broom though only if I do it slowly, I'm going to lower us down okay? I need you to stay as calm as you can Lily.' She gave a stiff, scared nod and Sirius nodded beneath her clearly understanding that he was to hover beneath her until we were low enough that I could safely lower her down to Sirius. I squeezed my knees tightly round the broom slowly pulling it down to lower us, Lily let out a little scream as the broom began to move. I squeezed her wrists gently in what I hoped was a reassuring way, it seemed to work as her body seemed to relax a bit in my grasp as her eyes fixed on mine unblinking. I smiled at the irony of the whole situation, here I was holding Lily Evans' hand (well wrist), staring deep into those beautiful, green eyes yet we were both in moral peril should I lose grip of my broom. Lily, thankfully unaware of the thoughts of 'moral peril' running through my head, smiled back obviously thinking I was meaning to reassure her. God she has a beautiful smile, I rarely see it, all I normally see is her frowns as she scowls at me disapprovingly.

I finally broke eye contact with her as Sirius began to wave his arms at me to signal we were close enough to the ground to transfer Lily.

'Lily' I muttered quietly as I regained eye contact, 'Sirius is just below you-don't look down- we're only a few feet up, he's going to take you to the ground from here okay?' For a moment she looked slightly bemused as through someone had confunded her or something, she seemed to have forgotten we were hanging feet above the ground. When she seemed to have understood what I'd said she nodded as Sirius slowly wrapped his arms round her waist to support her weight. I can't tell you how envious I was in that moment. I know he's my best mate and he only did that to save her but I'd had given anything to wrap my arms around her delicate waist and hold her body to mine.

As her weight disappeared from the end of my arms I was able to swing myself round into an upright position, light headed, partly from the blood rushing to my brain, partly from having stared deep into Lily's entrancing eyes. The last few minutes of the game were a blur to me since I spent the rest of the game watching Lily sat at the side of the pitch with Alice and Mcgonagall, all I know is that Gyrffindor caught the snitch and I immediately raced to Lily's side embracing her as I did.

'Potter!' She snapped as I flung my arms around her.

'Are you okay? Oh I wish I'd have reached you sooner I don't know what I've have done if anything had happened to you.'

'Nothing! You would have done nothing because I am nothing to you Potter!' I couldn't believe she was saying this, and obviously from the look on Alice's face neither could she.

'Lily what's wrong? What are you going on about why you so angry with me?' I couldn't understand it, any of it, I'd just saved her life and she was angry with me!

'I'm angry that you interfered, like you always interfere.'

'INTERFERED!' I was fuming now, I had never, ever been angry at Lily like I was now, normally I'd shrug it off relatively quickly but now she was angry I saved her.

'INTERFERED? Is that what I did? I thought I just SAVED your life, and I don't even get a thank you!'

'Oh thank you saint Potter for showing off in front of the entire school.'

'Showing off is that what I was doing? Well you know what I won't show off around you again.' I stormed away out of the stadium in such a fury that I didn't even realise who I was walking straight towards until it was too late.

'She hates you, she'll always hate you, I don't know why you try.'

...

'She hates you, she'll always hate you, I don't know why you try.' I muttered as a red faced James Potter came running out of the stadium. Having witnessed moments ago Lily's angry outburst and James shocked response I couldn't help but rejoice in his anguish. James drew his wand pointing it threateningly at my throat, his eyes flashing with malice as I glared back at him.

'Struck a nerve, have I? That's a surprise, I thought she was just some sort of prize to be won, well...at least that's what she's always thought she was to you.' His intense gaze faltered as he considered my words, though only for a moment, barely a second later James had resumed his cold stare as though nothing had happened. Many others wouldn't have noticed the change in him, or if they had would have overlooked it, but I was familiar with the effect Lily had on those who cared about her. The corners of my mouth slowly formed a smile as I stared back at him. He loved her, or at least that's what he thought, how could this imbecile love Lily? How could he even understand what it meant to love her? The pain, the anguish, the way you're whole heart and body ached when you were near her. He couldn't love her. The rational side of my brain told me to stop, I'd thrown my lowest punch and he was injured, if not physically then emotionally, but despite having his wand pointed towards me and my own stored away in my robes I proceeded.

'Upset? Did you think she didn't know you just wanted her as another nock on your bed post? Or are you angry that your 'ultimate conquest' is wise to your plan and therefore you lose whatever dare of game you're playing with her.'

'Shut it Snape.' His voice was low and cold, every note threatening to make me regret the day I was born as he pushed his wand harder against my neck.

'Ever since the first day she's hated you, even now after that stupid show at the match instead of falling at your feet she sees right through you. You might think I'm the scum of the earth but I was her best friend, what must that make you to her?' A flash of yellow light and a sharp pain across my chest as Potter finally cracked sending my flying back hitting the side of the stands. I felt a warm liquid flow across my lip and knew it was bleeding. I stood facing Potter who was breathing heavily now. For a moment it appeared he might speak, he struggled for a moment over his words before spinning angrily on his heel and retreating away to the school.

I'd won this battle, through the war was far from over. I however had proved myself the strongest of the two having caused such pain without even raising a wand. There were however more important things to worry about; wiping the blood from my face I peered back around into the stadium finding it now unfortunately empty. Lily it seemed had left and I was left to wait until tomorrow before attempting to earn a place in her favour once more.


	5. Chapter 5

**This is only a fan story, the characters etc all belong to J.K.Rowling.**

Chapter 5:

Although I was pleased about my defeat of James Potter I was struggling to be happy knowing that Lily still hated me, I spent all morning searching for her. She hadn't appeared at the breakfast table the following morning; according to a conversation I'd heard between Mary and a Hufflepuff girl, Lily and Alice had had some sort of disagreement but that was of little consequence to me. By the time I'd taken my place at the Slytherin table for dinner I'd resigned myself to the fact that I'd have to speak to her another day. However just as a reached across the table to pull a plate out of Mulciber's greedy hands I spotted a beautiful head of red hair standing and collecting her things together ready to leave while exchanging significant looks with Alice. My heart ached as I waited for her to leave the room before pursuing but the instant her petit figure turned in the direction of the main door I practically threw my plate at Mulciber in my rush to leave.

By the time I'd reached the great hall it was empty, ramming myself at the main door in desperation to catch up with her I ran outside finding her a short distance away walking towards the lake. I gave the banking, upon which I'd so viciously insulted her, a dirty look before slowly stalking behind her. It was amazing how she had this effect on me, one minute I wanted to run all round the school in pursuit of her, the next I'm close enough to touch her and I'm barely able to move. I followed slowly behind as Lily found a comfy spot beneath one of the trees surrounding the lake. I stopped and waited watching as her soft hair blew gently in the breeze; everything about her fascinated me, her laugh, how pure and sweet and genuine it seemed and how whenever she laughed I couldn't help but laugh too and really mean it; her hands, so small and delicate, I watched as she placed an arm either side of her, her palms facing the cool grass and she reclined back. I though back to the last time we'd sat together, her hand had been barely an inch from mine and I could feel the heat radiate off her, I wanted to grab her so badly that day and hold her in my arms but I didn't, I wouldn't, that's the difference between Potter and I, he acts and is hated for it, I never did and she was my best friend. But the thing that fascinates me most is her eyes, so deep and clear, it was strange, when you looked in her eyes it was as though you could see every aspect of her character and yet at the same time you could see nothing at all. I stepped closer my hand extended to touch her shoulder but I reclined it quickly, last time I'd startled her like that she'd panicked.

'Lily?' I'd barely whispered her name but upon hearing my voice she'd jumped to her feet her wand extended towards me.

'Lily' I whispered again stepping forward.

'Stay away from me!' she lowered her wand to my chest threateningly but couldn't she see, no matter what spell she cast she could never inflict any more pain upon me than she was in that moment. Every muscle in my body clenched, my heart throbbed painfully in my chest. I wanted to scream out in agony and yet when I spoke again my voice still couldn't exceed a whisper.

'Lily...'

'What do you want Snape?' her beautiful eyes were flashing threateningly in a way I'd only ever seen them do when Potter had seriously exceeded the mark.

'Please Lily I need to talk to you.'

'I think you did enough talking last time.' She snapped, glaring at me with her wand tight in her grasp. I began to remove my wand slowly from within my robes while her eyes and her wand followed each slow movement. I extended the wand towards her before throwing it down on the grass beside her. She looked up at me clearly shocked. Since first receiving my wand I had never been near anyone while disarmed and Lily knew it. She lowered her wand but still kept it in her grasp. She turned away from me seating herself back down on the grass beside my wand. Taking that as an invite I too sat, though making sure to sit down on the opposite side to my wand.

'What do you want Sev?' I felt my heart flutter, Sev, not Snape every cell in my body screaming to say _'I want you'_ but I didn't

'Lily I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry please forgive me.' Her eyes which had until now been facing the ground now found mine and I was shocked to see tears tarnishing those glorious green eyes I loved so dearly.

'Lily, please forgive me.' At this she turned her eyes back on the ground as tears slowly escaped sliding slowly over her cheeks. She slowly began to stand up and I swiftly followed not wanting her to leave me.

'I have to go...' she muttered. Panic and desperation grabbed me at the thought of losing her and before I knew what I was doing I grabbed her by the wrists to prevent her leaving.

'No Lily wait!'

...

'No Lily wait!' He grabbed me hard round the wrists to prevent me leaving and my heart suddenly leapt in my chest though not because of Snape, because another man had recently held me in just the same way. I stared down at the pale hands grasping my wrists and thought of James and now he'd held me. Even though his grasp had been firm it'd been gentle, everything about him had been trying desperately to show he cared about me and wanted to be there for me. The hands encircling my wrists today were different, his fingers dug into my wrists making his grasp uncomfortable and slightly painful and far from trying to keep me near so he could soothe and comfort me Severus' Black eyes revealed nothing but desperation and anguish. He didn't want me to stay because he wanted to care for me; he wanted to forgiveness, to show him I cared for him, but how could I? Not when he was so selfish.

'I have to go.' I repeated with more resolution and his grasp eased allowing me to release my arms. I turned to leave but was stopped when he called my name again.

'Is it him? Are you refusing to talk to me because of that interfering little show off?' I spun on my heel to look at him unable to understand what he was talking about.

'You mean James? What's James got to do with this?'

'Oh its James now is it? I thought it was Potter? When did it change? Yesterday when he started showing off at the match?'

'HE WAS NOT _SHOWING OFF_!' My outburst startled more than just Sev, as I turned away rushing off quickly I couldn't help but wonder where that outburst had come from. Hadn't I, just yesterday, accused James of showing off in front of the whole school? Hadn't I spent all morning and most of last night arguing with Alice that James Potter should have minded his own business? Once a reasonable way out of sight I settled myself in the shade not yet ready to return inside.

'Was he interfering?' I muttered quietly to myself. No. I don't think so, interfering is getting involved when you're not wanted, and his help, although not initially desired having shouted to Alice for help, was far from unwanted when he prevented me falling to my death. I hadn't found Sirius' involvement 'interfering' why then had I shouted at James?

Pride. I had gladly admitting defend and screamed for Alice to help me, it was purely because it was James that I had been so angry.

'It still doesn't mean he hasn't interfered before, I mean look at when he interfered outside potions.' I thought saying it allowed would help clarify my mind but I'd barely finished my sentence and I'd found holes in my example. Although I hadn't wanted his personal assistance when Snape had had my pinned to the wall with his wand at my throat I'd been desperate for anyone ANYONE to find me I was so scared, had Alice or Mary saved me I would have been grateful, why then did I snap at James? The more I thought about the recent events the more I realised how unreasonable I'd been. He hadn't shown off at the match, if he had he would have allowed himself to be encompassed but our fellow Grythindors and congratulated on having rescued me, not run to me to ensure I was safe and unharmed. He hadn't shown off about Severus either; so far as I knew, only Sirius, from the dirty looks he kept giving me, and therefore possibly the other marauders knew of our encounter. He'd evidently relayed the tale in secret 

as well because no one else knew and Sirius would only keep something secret if his best friends had entrusted that information to him.

I found my mind wandering back to the evening James had comforted me through reflected back on it in an entirely different way, far from seeing him as interfering in his attempt to prevent me leaving maybe he'd understood more than I had just how much I needn't someone to talk to. Similarly instead of viewing the kiss we shared as a mistake brought on by him taking advantage of the venerable situation I was in, I saw it as a tender, loving kiss through which he was trying to show just how much he cared for me and I was desperate to feel all the love and care he was willing to provide. Why then had I left? What was I running from? James? Or something else? Recently whenever I'd been with him, be in that night in the common room or when I was hanging off the stands, I'd been weak, venerable, scared, and because of that I'd lashed out or run away. Why couldn't I allow myself to show weakness around him, especially considering how he seemed to know the perfect way to protect me? Maybe because I thought he might think less of me, and for all my supposed dislike of him I truly wanted him to think I was brave and strong.

Tears stung my eyes as all these realisations began to flood my mind, years of dislike unravelling itself till I was barely sure where I was let alone how I felt. The darkness began to engulf me as I clambered to my feet so emotionally drained that I just wanted to run and never look back. It was minutes later that I eventually realised that's exactly what I was doing, so caught up in my own thoughts and fears I hadn't even realised I was running blinding through the darkness, no idea where I was going, simply running so I didn't have to confront the truth that was so rapidly taking over. When I finally stopped and looked around my new surroundings I struggled for a moment to figure out where I was, the trees were thicker here than most of the paths I was familiar with around Hogwarts. I was quite panic stricken when I realised I was in the forbidden forest, having of course never entered unless accompanied by a teacher I had no idea how now to exit the forest, my only clue being go back the way I just came. Somewhere nearby a creature howled, though not close enough, I thought with a sigh of relief, to be howling at me. The creature continued for a few moments it's voice slowly dying away obviously moving further into the forest, I took a step towards the route I'd taken in and felt a twig snap loudly beneath my shoe. The howling stopped and for a moment there was nothing. Then footsteps, running, straight towards me. The creature howled again this time much closer, I had no idea what was coming after me and I didn't care, all I knew was I had to get out of there. I stumbled, falling against a tree with a dull thud my arm throbbing from the impact. The howling had stopped again, I quietly moved around the tree so I was concealed from the path I'd just taken, crouching low against the bark of the tree grasping my arm. I could hear the creature breathing heavily on the other side of the tree my heart thumping rapidly in my chest. I squeezed my eyes shut hoping when I opened them I'd be safe in my bed. However when I opened my eyes I found an enormous werewolf breathing down on me, teeth bared. My whole body was screaming in terror but not a sound escaped my lips and as I stared into the dark eyes of the beast before me I found my mind wandering back to James, how I'd never get to tell him how I truly feel about him, wishing desperately he'd appear and save me. Tears rolled down my cheeks and, fearing they'd be my last words, I whispered:

'James'

...

'James' Lily! We'd ran as fast as we could after Moony the instant he ran off, Padfoot had seemed curious about the change in direction but deep down I knew something terrible was happening. Padfoot was up ahead running directly at Moony, I knew he'd seen her too. Lily, curled up in a ball crying beneath Moony's hungry stare.

'James' I heard her whisper as she sat there taking what she suspected to be her last breathes just as Padfoot dived on Moony tackling him to the ground. Lily screamed and jumped up in fear grasping her 

arm. I ran towards her as fast as I was physically able to trying as hard as I could to signal with my antlers for her to follow. She seemed to get the message as she moved, though slowly, towards me. Padfoot yelped in pain and I knew he couldn't take much more. I pulled at the sleeve of her uninjured arm frantically trying to tell her to climb on my back. Reluctantly, it seemed, she obliged holding on as I ran as hard and fast as my legs would take me. Padfoot let out another yelp and Lily screamed and I knew Moony was coming for us; I pushed myself still harder my whole body aching though far from giving up. Suddenly something as sharp as knifes penetrated my back and tore through my skin, Moony had caught up and had managed to claw me, my speed decreased but only slightly, I had to save Lily. Lily screamed again and another gash appeared on my back.

'_Impedimenta!_' Lily screamed, and a loud thump told me all I needn't to know, Lily had hit him, and whether the spell had knocked him out or not she'd bought us some time. I continued running as hard as I could, the school in sight now until I reached the steps. I collapsed on the grass sending Lily flying off me onto the grass as well. I shot a fleeting glance in the direction of the woods and saw no sign or Moony. Lily knelt over me tears in her eyes as she stroked the top of my head gently.

'You saved me? How could you...you're a...thank you' she leant down and kissed me softly.

My heart felt as light as air, if only she'd known it was me.

'_James'_ she'd whispered me name? When faced with potential death her last thoughts had been me? I went to stand slowly. Searing pain reached me as I moved my back causing the gashes to tear again but still I tried.

'No!' Lily instructed her arms round me trying to support me. I reached my feet and stood there balancing myself until Lily relinquished her grip. I felt myself transforming back to normal. I looked down on a shocked Lily Evans as my legs shook, smiling softly before collapsing to the ground.

'James!' Lily fell to her knees beside me looking frightened, stroking my hair gently off my forehead. I reached up slowly to touch her cheek.

'Lily' Then everything went black.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6:

'_Urgh where am I?'_ I thought as I began to wake up in an unfamiliar bed _'and how did I get here?'_ Every muscle in my body ached as I tried to move though the instant I moved, though barely at all, I feel huge gashes tear in my back.

'_Please wake up James, Please'_ I thought as I watched him sleeping figure in the hospital bed. I could have sworn I'd seen him move barely a moment ago, though it was such an unnoticeable movement that I'd concluded it must simply be my tired eyes playing tricks on me. I reached out my hands, encasing James hand in mine.

Someone took my hand gently in their's, their thumb rubbing the back of my hand softly; their hands were warm and gentle, I momentary forgot that this person could well be a total stranger as they soothed me.

Tears fell slowly down my cheeks as I stroked his hand staring down at his peaceful expression, He'd saved me, when my life was in mortal peril and I thought I was going to die he saved me. How could it be that the boy I hated so long could be the man who saved my life? More tears fell as I thought about what I'd do if those hazel eyes never opened again; my whole body shook as I held back a sob. Even before I spoke I could feel the quiver in my voice:

'James?'

'_LILY?' _I Jumped up in such shock that I ripped the gashes on my back again this time letting out a resounding yell as I did before falling back on my bed.

'James? Oh my God you're okay!' Lily's arms flung around my neck squeezing me tightly her cheek pressed against mine, there were tears on her cheek, she'd been crying?

I heard on to him for dear life, I could tell by his ridged, slightly nervous hug he didn't understand why but I had no intention of realising him from my grasp.

'I...I thought...you'd' I hastily rubbed my tears away looking deep into those soft hazel eyes I thought I may never see again.

'Lily I'm okay, w-what happened?' I looked around the room taking in my environment; I was in the hospital wing with bandages wrapped around my torso to prevent my back bleeding.

'Enchanted wounds' Lily muttered as I surveyed my injuries.

'Pardon?'

'The nurse said the wounds were enchanted, they'd heal but couldn't be cured my magical means, especially since she didn't know what caused it.'

'_Moony'_

His eyes grew wider as he clearly remembered what had caused the injuries.

'I don't know what you were doing in there James or how you were able to do what you did, but I assure you I haven't told anyone.' At this James looked bemused.

'Don't you remember?' he shook his head slowly staring deep into my own eyes.

'You saved my life'

Lily proceed to tell my about how she was nearly attacked by a werewolf, though clearly from the way she spoke she was unaware who the werewolf in fact is, and how a beautiful stag had saved her and been injured in the process. At this point she paused looking thoughtful as she surveyed me.

'You saved my life' she repeated again.

'I thought you said the stag did.'

'I know who you are James, you transformed just before you collapsed, you allowed me to see who my saviour really was.' Just then everything,_ everything_ came flooding back to me.

'You...you said my name? Just before the werewolf went to strike.' Fresh tears strung in those emerald green eyes making them sparkle.

'Why?' I felt a knot in my throat as I waited for a response; her eyes fell down towards her lap as she contemplated her answer. She brought her eyes back up to before slowly leaning forward kissing me tenderly on the lips.

Fireworks exploded in my mind as I kissed him, no longer fighting off a nagging voice telling me to stop I allowed my body to by engulfed in his arms, kissing him slowly and softly as I became lightheaded.

...

I watched, though neither saw, I watched and felt my heart tear in two. I loved her, couldn't she see I loved her, everything I'd done had been for her, for us. The pain I felt wasn't even from watching her with another man, she'd had boyfriends before, none of whom were good enough for her, but Potter? Why Potter? Of all the men at Hogwarts why Potter? My heart felt ripped up and stomped on as I watched the two of them embrace their lips still glued to each other like Sirius and another one of this 'conquests'. Couldn't Lily see what she was doing, didn't she know that he was going to drop her like he dropped all his other girlfriends, that she was just a flung?

Everything cell in my body screamed at me to run in there, to tell her that _I _love her not that _imbecile_, he could never love her, never make her happy. And yet, I didn't act, I never acted, I sat back and watch the best thing in my like slip through my fingers. I turned away, no longer able to watch as he held her as I should have held her, as he kissed her like I should have kissed her. In that moment I vowed always to hate them, though I knew even then that I could never hate Lily. I'd always love her, even if it was only a small part of me, but I'd always hate James Potter, more so for taking the only thing I had left away from me:

Lily Evans


End file.
